Those who work with me will know how much I emphasise not overwhelming our children with too much language: repeated prompts, demands and questions. I advocate for a focus on all channels of communication – not only language. Communication is so much more than words! True connection and demonstrating our understanding of our kids most often come in what we show them with our bodies, our tone, the softness in our eyes, and our keen eye for their non-verbal communication.
A further aim with dynamic, multiple-channel communication is to offer our children opportunities to THINK. Over-compensating by over-scaffolding or prompting – even if the prompt is non-verbal, robs our children of that opportunity. Space and time to process, is often all our kids need to make their own decisions and feel good about having a sense of control and autonomy.
A better way to think about it is this: I need to communicate JUST ENOUGH to offer opportunity for authentic experience sharing and reciprocity and to allow my child the opportunity to think independently.
Sometimes, we overcompensate in quite obvious ways and you can already raise your hand acknowledging: that’s me: I jump in, interrupt, ‘save/fix’, prompt, direct and so on.
Sometimes, we do so in a less obtrusive way, and we may not even be aware of it.
You may make a request and then when there isn’t an immediate response, you ask again, then rephase what you asked and then maybe just do it for your child. Simple requests, when you have established a connection with your child and you know they are listening, sill requires processing time in order to be acted on. Give your child the time!
Perhaps it’s time to take a look at your own pattern to see where you are at?
Slowing down enough to recognise your own patterns offer lessons in slowing down in general. The rule is that when we slow down with our kids, we create opportunity for development to speed up ☺ Assume competence. Give them room to think.
JUST ENOUGH is perfect.
Take Action:
Give yourself the role of ‘videographer’. Set your child up to do a task he/she is very comfortable doing. Say something like: ‘I am taking a video of you baking cookies by yourself so I can show grandma’. Now assume the role of videographer and notice what is happening in your head and body? How anxious do you get? How badly do you want to interrupt/help/prompt/change? This is simply an exercise in awareness on overcompensating/over-scaffolding.
We live and learn ☺
Connection:
Conversation Starter:
What constitutes a perfect day for you?
Plan for the weekend – how can we incorporate a little bit of everyone’s perfect day this weekend (Mom and Dad go top of the list! ☺)
Compassion:
Take a moment to sit quietly, breathe and recognise:
Rivers Know this: There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.
-A.A Milne
