It’s Not About the Sock: Why Your Child’s “Overreactions” Aren’t What They Seem
Children drown in shame after losing control.
Many of the kids I work with describe their meltdowns as terrifying, humiliating, and something they desperately want to stop—but can’t.
It wasn’t a great morning in our house.
Why?
Because last night, it took my daughter hours to fall asleep…
…because her toenail had been cut “wrong.”
Yes. You read that right.
A toenail.
These are the kinds of bedtime battles that leave parents feeling depleted, powerless, and maybe even a little defeated. They often come at the end of a day where no one has anything left in the tank. Especially not the capacity to offer—or receive—co-regulation.
And the truth is, co-regulating a nervous system that’s almost always in overdrive takes it out of you, even on the good days.
You know those moments where:
A sock feels “wrong”
You say “no” and it’s met with instant meltdown
Screentime ends and it’s like someone burned their entire LEGO city to the ground?
You’re not alone.
And your child’s reaction is not just a tantrum.
It’s not about the sock. It’s about the threat.
What looks like an overreaction on the outside is often a perfectly valid nervous system response on the inside.
Let me say that again—especially for the parent breathing through the fourth meltdown of the day:
It’s not about the sock.
It’s about a brain that’s interpreting small triggers as big threats.
And it’s not just this trigger. It’s the culmination of dozens of seemingly minor stressors building up over the day… or week… or longer. Sensory demands. Communication breakdowns. Unpredictable transitions. Social stress. Executive function overload.
These aren’t “nothing.” They add up.
And when a child’s nervous system can’t recover in between, it stays in a state of survival.
You’re not being manipulated. You’re being shown distress.
It’s hard not to take these reactions personally.
It can feel frustrating. Exhausting. Even soul-destroying.
But please hear this: your child is not choosing to escalate.
They’re not doing this to you.
Their system is protecting them in the only way it knows how.
And they hate it, too.
Children drown in shame after losing control.
Many of the kids I work with describe their meltdowns as terrifying, humiliating, and something they desperately want to stop—but can’t.
This pain and powerlessness is often at the root of low self-esteem, self-loathing, and mental health struggles later on.
So when we meet their struggle with punishment or logic, we miss the opportunity to meet their nervous system with what it actually needs: safety.
So what can you actually do?
Here’s what I remind myself—and the families I support—when everything’s on fire:
Ditch the logic game.
Their brain literally cannot access logic until it feels safe. Coregulation first.Ask: What’s the real threat here?
Not just the sock or the iPad.
Was there a rough transition? A sensory buildup? Lack of control? Emotional overload? Think upstream.Anchor before action.
Regulate your body before guiding theirs. You can’t co-regulate from a dysregulated place.Start before the meltdown.
That’s the grand finale, not the opening act. Know what stresses your child, reduce what you can, and build in ways to replenish what stress takes away.Understand the nervous system.
It’s not about fixing emotions. It’s about understanding and supporting the system having them.
The ultimate goal isn’t no meltdowns. It’s more regulation.
Every moment your child spends regulated is a moment where they can learn, connect, and build capacity.
Self-regulation doesn’t happen in isolation—it’s born from consistent, safe co-regulation.
So yes, it’s hard work. Yes, it takes intention.
And yes, it sometimes feels like you’re walking through a minefield barefoot.
But the way you show up with curiosity, calm, and compassion in those moments?
That’s what creates change.
That’s what builds resilience.
That’s what helps your child trust their world—and themselves—a little more.
You don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to keep showing up.
Not sure what your child’s stressors are? I can help.
Sometimes, the sources of stress are hiding in places you never thought to look. If you feel unsure about your child’s stress profile—or how to support your own nervous system in the process—reach out. We can map it out together.
P.S. Anxiety doesn’t always look like anxiety.
A lot of these meltdowns are deeply tied to anxiety, even if it shows up as anger, avoidance, or control. If this resonates, I’m running a live online parent course this fall based on the SPACE model, helping parents support anxious kids without reinforcing accommodation cycles or overwhelm.
➡️ Join the waitlist here to be notified when it opens.